So you thought your mom was embarrassing when she insisted on dropping you off for your first day of high school and, dressed in a flowered muu-muu and bath slippers and curlers, pinched your cheeks and nuzzled your nose and said how much she loved her little snuggly-wuggly-piggly-poo right in front of a huge group of ultra-cool upper classmen? Well, you're sure to feel better about your mom once you contemplate this fact: Anna Nicole Smith's having a baby. So, really, it could be worse. Because after the above exchange, Anna Nicole would have ripped off the muu-muu and had sex with one of those upper classmen in the middle of the football field during a pep rally.
The supposed father, Larry Birkhead, told TMZ,
I have been told that I am expecting a child, I have seen the ultrasound and have spoken to doctors. I am very excited about the possibility of becoming a father.
That sounds awfully convincing. There's the "possibility" that he may become a father. There may also be the possibility of a second head sprouting out of his shoulder and him naming it Engelbert, but whatever. Miss Trimspa addressed the rumors herself on her website, annanicole.com, saying she's been hearing that she's pregnant "by some guy," which, we have to admit, are a little more accurate than the rumors we'd been hearing that she'd been knocked up by her dog Marilyn. The whole thing has spawned a minor catfight between the father-to-be and Anna's lawyer, Howard K. Stern, who was responsible for the earlier denials from both Smith and Birkhead. A friend of Anna's told the New York Daily News, speaking about Stern,
He's in love with her. He is jealous that she is pregnant by another man.
What a difference a little Supreme Court ruling can make. One moment you're slurring your words and falling off stages and doing just about anything for a buck, and the next you've got men beating down your door in hopes of inseminating you and getting a piece of the $1.6 billion pie. But a word of advice, Anna: If a corn-rowed, unwashed guy in manpris and flip flops shows up at your door bitching about the Pavarotti, don't let him in.
See all of Anna Nicole at MrSkin.com.
