You might think that Jessica Simpson got dumped by ball fondler Tony Romo because she was constantly muttering "Marry me, marry me, marry me" under her breath and he just couldn't take it anymore. Well, you're wrong. It's because he thinks she's a John Mayer humping little tramp. According to Radar:
Flying into Los Angeles on Thursday, Romo quickly made up for lost time with Simpson but their reunion quickly took a turn for the worse. ìThey were hanging out and he picked up her phone and she got defensive about it,î the source revealed. ìTony found messages from John and went ballistic.îWhile the couple has had their fair share of rocky patches during their relationship, the idea of Simpson possibly cheating with Mayer was the straw that broke the camelís back: ìTony dumped her right then. He walked out and that was it.î
Ladies of Hollywood, what the fuck is it about John Mayer that is so irresistible? He admitted that he wears the same pair of jeans for like two months at a time. He looks like this on stage:
Is he stuffing a foot-long schlong into those unwashed pants? Does his proficiency with bar chords directly translate to his nubbin noodling abilities? Because we just don't get it. How is it that he's storming through town getting all the ladies hooked on his douche-rock crack and breaking hearts like he's the second coming of Warren Beatty? Because unless the dude shits Scharffen Berger and diamonds, we think we'd pass.
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I don't feel sorry for that harlot any more. Nobody makes Tony Romo wear the cuckold's horns! And I hear John Mayer does have a dick hung on him nine inches long. Just like Big Dick Blacque in the George C. Scott classic Hardcore.
Maybe he's into 'chubbies' and 'chubbie-wannabes'. In which case, Ms. Simpson will be right at home.
Why? Because she is the living incarnation of Miss Piggy? That makes John Mayer Kermit the Frog.