Oh God. Oh heavenly lordy God. No. Please, please.
OK, listen. This whole "celebrity sex tape" rumpus has got to end now. Right now. We never thought we'd call for a terminus on naked famous people on film, but that was before we heard the whispers of the existance of a Tom Sizemore sex tape. Fred Durst getting his balls and his ass touched seems like taking 'luudes and enjoying cotton candy while riding on the back of a unicorn in comparison to the idea of seeing Tom Sizemore's furry, clenched buns.
The mysterious and confounding blog known simply as TomSizemoreVideo (catchy name) sounds the death knell for our eyes, ears, and genitalia by bringing on the rumor that there is a Tom sex tape on the way. They won't tell us when, they won't tell us with whom, and they won't actually acknowledge the fact that there probably isn't a market for a Sizemore sex tape, unless he happened to be schtupping an Olsen or two, or perhaps another dude. If it is, in fact, true, and we will be assaulted by clips of Tom in the buff engaging in various sundry carnal acts, we at least hope that he'll somehow be employing the use of the fake dong he used for his bogus drug tests. Yay comic relief.
