Our Tom Cruise Scientological Claptrap Video story has proven to be the most popular of 2008 Q1 (said vid has been removed from YouTube, but you can still watch it at Gawker), so we felt it was only right and natural to bring you the other sections of the bone-chillingly riveting ceremony. LISTEN with rapture as the overzealous announcer gives a five minute introduction proclaiming Tom to be the best OT Clear who has ever graced our humble planet with his presence! WATCH in wonder as Tom salutes the giant, Lenin-esque portrait of L. Ron Hubbard staring down upon his gullible minions! OBSERVE utter hilarity as Tom Cruise is proven to be the one man who can–and did!–save New York City after 9/11!
And the chuckles don't stop there, folks. According to Celebitchy, some folks now think that Katie Holmes faked her fabled New York Marathon finish, and that she actually had someone run it for her. We saw that on an episode of According to Jim once. You know, we thought something was a little suspicious when Katie crossed that finish line in a zero-support shelf-bra tank top with no sign of blood or nip chafing in sight. Christ, even Pete Doherty's been guarding his perky B-cups with an underwire Olga.
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