At this very moment, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are not having sex. So basically everything is as it has been for the past nine months. Why is this newsworthy again? Oh, yeah, because mentioning the words "Tom Cruise" and "lovemaking" in the same sentence in fucking gross and we're trying to make your morning Huevos Rancheros reappear.
In Touch Weekly has been talking to the rare and elusive "insider" bird, who blabbed that Tommy "has put the brakes on their lovemaking." Why is that, because the sight of a real live vagina makes him scream "eeeeeee" in a high-pitched voice and run the other way? Nope. It's L. Ron's fault. He didn't like the boy-girl nookie either. According to the overlord of Scientology, "a mother-to-be shouldn't engage in sex because it could negatively impact the baby." Poor Katie may never get to experience real sex in her entire life (or at least until her contract is up and she runs off with a hunky-yet-dumb star of All My Children). But we are surprised that Tom Cruise's genius hasn't been touted from rooftops. Finding a twenty-six-year-old virgin to impregnate (through some alien means that we'd rather not think about but that probably involves a piece of dry wall with a hole cut in it, a half rotten banana, and an E-Meter) and take as his bride was a feat in itself. But finding one who is dumb enough to believe that "sexual intercourse" means watching her fiancÈ masturbate to Hung Stud Monthly while she gives herself a pedicure is truly astonishing.
At least you can see Katie Holmes naked at MrSkin.com.
And don't forget Tom Cruise at MaleStars.com.
