Sing the 1980s commercial jingle for the Pizza Party board game and everyone around you will sing along. Go on. Try it. Nothing puts us in the mood of festive revelry quite like that jaunty little ditty, but if we applied it to a Scientology party, we’d have to change the lyrics to “Party! Creepy party!” or something. Last Friday, the minions of L. Ron got together and fucking ripped shit up like a bunch of rock stars. Cocaine binges! Hookers! Hired midgets playing Russian roulette! OK, no, but there was barley water and a pep talk. US Weekly reports:
Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and daughter Suri reunited with John Travolta and wife Kelly Preston — plus over 4000 other Scientologists — at a massive party.
The stars were surprise guests at the 25th anniversary of the International Association of Scientologists held at Saint Hill Manor in East Grinsted, West Sussex. During nearly two hours of speeches, Cruise, 47, briefly addressed the rapturous, fist-pumping crowd: “Because we never took our eyes off the ultimate prize, we stand where we are today,” he intoned, witnesses tells Us. “We are in this together!”
When a choir took to the stage, the Cruise-Holmes family stood up with the rest of the audience. “Tom was swaying and looked like he was in heaven,” an attendee tells Us. “He was really, really into it. Katie was next to him doing her best to look as enthusiastic. She was clapping along with the song, but was totally out of sync.”
Later, during a reception, Cruise was overheard chatting with another American man about the protesters outside the venue. “They’re squirrels,” Cruise said angrily, according to a witness. “Stuck in an electronic incident. It makes me so angry!”
We salute you, Scientologists, for never taking your eyes off that ultimate prize. Which is traveling on a spaceship to a mountain full of evil souls or giving all your residuals to David Miscavige or wearing an eyepatch in the Nazi movie. But hey, what do we know? Ow! I just got my adorably fluffy tail stuck in this electronic incident!
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Man, that’s almost like being there for Jonestown and Jim Jones is bitching about how come they couldn’t get orange Flavorade instead of grape. (And yes, Tommy boy, those squirrels are annoying…and they’ll outlast you and your religion just like the last fifty cults before ya!)
Guys, I’m a Scientologist. It can be pretty hard for you to realize these things since you’ve never been audited. Yeah, you can go ahead and laugh at all these things and think they are stupid. Getting up and through OT VII takes at least about 1000 auditing hours, probably more, and Mr. Cruise is about to accomplish that. His reality on auditing is much more than yours.
My suggestion? Get some Book One auditing (without e-meter) for free at a local church and try it out for like 20-30 hours. If you get nothing out of it, it wasn’t for you.
Auditing works. I’ve done it and I have my own reality on it.
Cheers.