Paris Hilton sucks. Paris Hilton blows. Paris Hilton Hoovers a big fat dong. All true, but we thought we were going to talk about her album. Ba dum dum. But seriously folks, Paris is getting totally fucked in the ass by the record-buying (or non-buying, as it were) public. We wonder if this will count against her no-sex-for-a-year vow.
The first time we heard "Stars Are Blind" we found ourself asleep and drooling on our desk before the second chorus, so we're not a bit surprised that sales of Paris's album are, shall we say, a bit like a stray turd in the river. Page Six reports:
In its first week out of the gate, Hilton's first CD is being widely seen as a certified flop. "Paris," which features the single "Stars Are Blind," sold a lackluster 75,000 copies in the United States – a pittance compared to Christina Aguilera's first-week sales of 320,000, according to Soundscan.
And projected sales for next week are said to be a measly 30,000, which is a larger than normal second week drop.
"Paris" is languishing at the bottom of Billboard's Hot 100 – so Hilton's label rushed out her second single, "Turn It Up," which isn't doing very well either.
"The international outlook is not much better for her," one industry source told Page Six. "The international people are not inclined to do a big push since she can't back up the album with a tour. Obviously, she can't sing live."
The source added that Hilton was advised a year ago to train her voice, work with choreographers and learn an instrument to prepare for a limited tour, but "obviously she didn't listen."
We were going to make a joke here about Paris actually taking that advice of learning to master an instrument but erroneously selecting Stamos Nachos's wiener as her instrument of choice, but we thought that was too easy. Instead we'll say that all Paris needs to guarantee a packed house were she to embark on a tour is not a skilled voice or catchy songs, but rather the perfect wardrobe selection. Given the opportunity to see the famed Paris Hilton ass flaps in person, no one could stay away from a Paris live performance.
Paris is naked at MrSkin.com. Duh.
