The three month anniversary of the miraculous virgin birth of Suri No Middle Name Cruise is nigh, and we have still seen neither hair nor hide of this tiny little demon. The reason? Not camera shyness and not secret birth defects, surprisingly enough. It seems that pictures of the spawn were offered, Piloh Shitt style, to all the major magazines, and when her photo failed to generate an astounding sum, the offer was rescinded. That doesn't bode well for poor Suri's future. We picture her playing in her first soccer game. She kicks for a goal, misses, and Tom promptly grabs her by the ear, drags her off the field, and refuses to let her ever play again.
You'll recall that Shiloh's Jolie-lipped mug fetched a cool $4.1 million, which was donated to charity. Suri No Middle Name's photo, on the other hand, produced a paltry $3 million bid–barely enough to buy a new ruby bidet for the Cruise wing of the Los Angeles Scientology center! Speaking of, we've read nothing about Suri's picture price being intended for charity; hence, the Holmes-Cruise camp angrily reneging after such a laughable sum was offered. Furthermore, imdb.com reports:
A magazine expert tells Friedman now that the baby is nearly three months old, her price will only go down, adding, "Shiloh was the whole deal. We won't see a baby like that again for a while."
In a world where a three-month-old infant is considered so over-the-hill that her asking price is considerably less than that of a fresh-squeezed babe still rosy with that placental flush, it's no wonder we have people like Nicole Kidman and Demi Moore paying doctors to shave off knee fat and inject muscle-paralyzing botulism into their faces. Hollywood. It's an ugly town.
Mama Katie and her pre-breastfeeding mammages are at MrSkin.com.
Papa Tom is not. You'll find him at the delicious, nutritious MaleStars.com.
