Yesterday we brought you a story about Jessica Simpson's sterling, Dickensian intellect. Well, apparently thinking isn't the only thing this girl is less than adept at. She can't dance either. But she has mastered the art of dressing like a Long Island teenager cruising around in her twenty-six-year-old boyfriend's Iroc-Z, circa 1989.
It's nice to know that in her lonely near-divorcÈe state Jessica has found herself a gay with whom to eat raw cookie dough and bitch about boys, and who can test out hairstyles on her as if she were his own personal Corn Silk Cabbage Patch Kid. That gay is hairstylist Ken Paves, and the duo hit the dance floor in the wee hours of Wednesday morning. The New York Daily News reports:
A Lowdown spy watched around 1:30 a.m. as the Simpson-Paves dance team did "spins and everything," the spy said.
"They really were breaking it down, in the middle of everyone, and then everyone joined in. It was weird, like you were at your cousin's wedding."
The spy, who was inches away from her on the dance floor, couldn't resist adding: "The girl cannot dance." Rather unsurprisingly, the spy noted, "She was drinking."
Simpson was "wearing a tight leopard-print dress. I think it was off the shoulder with a ruffle across the boobs, high patent-leather heels. … It was tacky."
This story makes us realize how much the paparazzi have failed celebrity watchers everywhere. Enough with these pictures of celebs in mid-sneeze or leaving Kitson for the eighth time in a week. What we need are paps to get into these clubs. That's where the real action happens. We'll even take shitty, fan-caught cell-phone pics. But we need to see Jessica Simpson in leopard print doing the running man.
Jessica's in a bikini at MrSkin.com.
