The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Merely uttering those five tiny words causes uncontrollable priapism in roughly 82.647% of the population (we counted). Each year, bright-eyed, rosy-cheeked innocents across this great nation race to the mailbox or to their local Waldenbooks, nether regions all atingle, gasping, “Who made the cover? Who made the cover? Who made the cover?” As it turns out, this year, everyone made the cover.
No, really. We’re not being cute. Everybody’s on the cover.
How fitting, and how vaguely depresssing, that the swimsuit issue be released (along with gallons of man-seed and countless tears) on Valentine’s Day. This year those zany nuts at SI have really outdone themselves, with a veritable who’s who of past coverboobs to visually entice you. Thrill to: Elsa Benitez, Veroinca Varekova, Elle MacPherson, Rebecca Romijn (no Stamos), Rachel Hunter, Daniela Pestova, Yamila Diaz-Rahl, and Carolyn Murphy. At first, we were ready to use our copy as an adult diaper when we saw no Petra Nemcova on the cover. No triumphant bikini-filling from the broken supermodel injured in the 2004 tsunami? That’s just cruel and un-American. But she’s inside the pages as well. Apparently, nearly dying in one of Earth’s greatest natural disasters does not warrant you a cover shot; however, if you flog sparkly lip goo during America’s Next Top Model while uttering the shit-hot catchphrase, “Smells like cupcakes!” you’re golden.
See more of Elle’s belles at MrSkin.com.
And there are pics and clips of Heidi Klum in nothing but body paint at Egotastic.
