Dear Suri Cruise,
‘Sup, mini-bitch! It’s me, your old pal Shiloh! What it is! Yo, check this shit out:
Ka-BOOM! How you like my new glamour shot, trick? Fairly bewitching, facially, would you not agree? When my new pics drop in Hello! mag, my minions will flip a tit! Believe it! Oh, funny I should mention pictures, Suri Cruise, because I’ve noticed quite a damn few of YOU circulating. I’ve been cold kickin’ it in my crib, chewing on this gem:
Looks like you’ve hired old Ken Paves to work on that wig of yours. A word to the wise, buttmuppet: dude might do wonders with Jessica Simpson extensions, but that weave of yours looks straight wack! And is that a birthmark? Or did your Daddy tell you that’s “where the angels kissed you”? Hahahaha. But seriously, never mind that shit. My multicultural and very giving family taught me never to rag on the physical–only the superficial care about that crap. Oh, and speaking of families, let’s compare and contrast, shall we?
My parents are tattooed with punk rock aviator glasses, my brother is rocking the Bow Wow Wow retro ‘do, and my sis has sweet Afro puffs. Your mom’s wearing septuagenarian gear and your dad gots bitch tits.
See you in hell,
Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
