I loved being read to as a child and I still like a nice story now and then, especially if it’s a detailed description of an uncomfortable sexual encounter with a famous person. A Los Angeles-based woman whose name and info I won’t post here (because I’m nice; but you can find it anywhere else if you like) recently hooked up with Quentin Tarantino and wrote out the sordid tale in email form. Apparently she’s friends with someone just like Emma Watson’s hookup’s buddy, because the email promptly made its way to the cybertube. You can read the entire encounter at Gawker, but here’s the gist:
We make out some more, there’s a little below the belt action that I try to avoid, as QT has the most unattractive penis I have ever seen (short. fat. nub-like. The chode of all chodes.) Just as I’m about to hyperventilate over the fact that he may try to put that horrific bodily implement anywhere near my Britney, he leans over and goes “Hey…”
I know this “Hey.” This is the “Hey, should I get a condom?” hey that accompanies 20 minutes of ungratifying sex. As I’m trying to rapidly think of ways I can agent myself out of this deal, I hear what is without a doubt, the strangest question in the history of my life.
Quentin Tarantino asks, “Can I suck on your toes while I jerk off?”
And thus began the weirdest ten minutes of my life – having my feet made out with by an Oscar winning filmmaker while he pleasured himself. Truth be told, it wasn’t so bad.
Quentin Tarantino might be a foot-licker and star of Destiny Turns On the Radio, but as far as I know, he doesn’t call his genitalia his “Britney”, so advantage: Tarantino.