You might think that dorking someone like Jessica Simpson would be a dream come true, but in reality, while you were pumping away, she'd be feeding some Pupparoni to her floofy dog, applying self-tanner and Creme de la Mer, taking on her cell with her publicist, and screeching at you to hurry up because her Birkin bag order was in at Hermes and good Christ, would you please fucking watch the nails? It makes sense, then, that people like Nick Lachey and Richie Sambora would toss their wives overboard in favor of copulating with norms. Personal assistant-fucking: catch the fever!
Hot dog! It's Everywoman's day in the sun! Jude Law made it okay to beefily inject potato-faced nannies, and Nic Cage and Matt Damon made it de rigeur to reproduce with waitresses. Now Lachey and Sambora, never heading up the pack when it comes to trends, are following suit.
The other day we told you about Heather Locklear getting her panties in a twist after discovering some suggestive emails on her husband's computer. Turns out Richie's cyberpal is his former personal assistant! We scratched our heads for a bit over the fact that Richie Sambora needs a personal assistant (what does she do, make highlighting appointments for him at Great Clips?), but according to Star magazine, her name is Stephanie Heaton, and she was fired by Heather for allegedly
"acting like Richie's wife, and a mother to his and Heather's daughter, Ava."
Heather thought the pair had severed ties, but it turned out that Heaton had been calling her husband every day in addition to sending him the photos, described thusly:
"one showing her lying on her side, wearing only fishnet stockings and boots, and another one of her wearing 'a baby-doll nightie in a provocative pose.'"
Heaton is described as being a "39-year-old brunette". Good God! Not a brunette!
Dirty bird Nick Lachey is rumored to be possibly diddling his estranged wife Jessica's personal assistant/BFF CaCee Cobb, although his rep hotly denies it. The two were seen getting a little too friendly a couple of weeks ago at some club that we don't care about because it's in L.A. and we don't live there. Life & Style reports that a couple of witnesses snitched:
"The two were all over each other. Nick had his arms wrapped around her, and he was kissing her all over the side of her face and neck. Her arms were around him, too."
"We were watching in total disbelief. We kept waiting for them to rip each other's clothes off."
We're also in total disbelief. Disbelief that someone actually willingly goes by the name CaCee Cobb.
You'd never leave Jessica. See her Nude Review at MrSkin.com.
Heather's, too.
