The Oscars happened. Usually we live Tweet such hoe-downs, but last night was so boring and predictable that we didn’t even feel the need. Here are the highlights:
- Crazy Vicki Lawrence-looking lady bum rushing the stage and pulling a Kanye West during the best documentary acceptance speech
- The fact that T-Bone Burnett is actually James Cameron in sunglasses
- Steve Martin making a joke about The Jerk and Gabby Sidibe‘s mom pointing at him like, “Ha, you! You, I like!”
- The utter fear and alarm in Kristen Stewart‘s eyes as she looked at the aged Brat Pack
- Kathryn Bigelow being the first lady to win Best Director
- Pretending she was actually winning for Point Break
Click past the cut for the full list of winners, and pictures of dresses. Spoiler: Charlize Theron has rosettes on her yabbos.
Best Picture – The Hurt Locker
Best Director – Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker
Best Actor – Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart
Best Actress – Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
Best Supporting Actor – Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds)
Best Supporting Actress – Mo’Nique “Precious”
Best Original Screenplay – Mark Boal (The Hurt Locker)
Best Adapted Screenplay – Geoffrey Fletcher, Precious
Best Animated Feature – Up
Best Foreign Language Film – El Secreto do Sus Ojos (Argentina)
Best Documentary Feature – The Cove
Best Score – Up
Best Original Song – “The Weary Kind” (Crazy Heart) – Ryan Bingham and T-Bone Burnett
Best Film Editing – The Hurt Locker
Best Cinematography – Avatar
Best Costume Design – The Young Victoria
Best Art Direction – Avatar
Best Makeup – Star Trek
Best Visual Effects – Avatar
Best Documentary (Short Subject) – Music by Prudence
Best Short Film (Animated) – Logorama
Best Short Film (Live Action) – The New Tenants
Best Sound Editing – The Hurt Locker
Best Sound Mixing – The Hurt Locker
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Well, I managed to do well on my Oscar betting pool…kinda. I scored bragging rights for Beating The Crowd at the website, a fifty dollar gift card from my local paper…and a thousand dollar e-gift certificate at UjENA Network for being one of two people who had a perfect score at their Oscar prediction contest. Suffice to say, I’m a little bugged and confused by that last win. What the Hell do I do with a thousand dollar non-transferable non-cash convertible e-gift certificate for bikinis I don’t need, shirts that won’t fit me and road trips that are a bit out of my league in more the usual money sense? Any help aside from ‘Sticking it in my ass’ would be appreciated.
Oh, and the link to those guys is http://www.ujenanetwork.com. I’m sure some of you are familiar with that site. There are hotties up the eyeballs there.
Well, you can stick it up your a–oh, wait.
Thank you, Mr. Obvious. You won’t have to fight the hot chicks over a free bikini because you’re not getting one!
Seriously, guys. This is plumb wacked.