Somewhere deep inside the mind of Paula Abdul, things like complete sentences, coherent thought, and valid opinions hide. But it seems that somewhere along the way this portion of Paula's brain dislodged itself from the muscles that control her mouth and it's now floating around in her skull, searching for the exit. (We're guessing this happened some time in the '80s when Paula was working on a Janet Jackson video and Janet showed her offense at a particular dance move with a folding chair to the cranium.) TMZ helpfully documented Paula's recent appearance shilling cheap, AI-approved jewelry on QVC. Her resemblance to a human is so slight, you almost expect her to balance a ball on her nose and then flap her flippers together in delight. We did quite enjoy her game of peek-a-boo, though. We assume that Sanjaya tracked her down to the QVC studios, and while he wandered the set singing "Rush, Rush" for her, she perched behind the FTD bouquet and chanted to herself, "I am a lily. I am pure white, rigidly upright, and have fuzzy orange stamen. I am a lily." And we think it worked. The rest, we can't explain. Unless that explanation is buckets and buckets of tequila. That might work.
Find a further breakdown of Paula's crack jewelry-selling technique at Best Week Ever.
And Paula gets crazy sexy at MrSkin.com.
