More than year after Tom Cruise unleashed the crazy on an unsuspecting world, Paramount has decided to drop the Scientologybot and his production company from their roster. This may seem like an oddly timed decision, as Cruise has been particularly subdued in recent months, but it's nothing compared to Warner Bros.'s ten-years-in-the-making decision to exclude Margot Kidder from all future Superman installments, stating, "That bitch is just too crazy for us."
Dateline April 28, 2005: Tom Cruise's ultra-suspicious romance with pre-lobotomized Katie Holmes is officially announced to a world that will never again regain its lost innocence. That's where this whole thing started. Proceed with couch-jumping, glib-calling, oral-herpes-giving, fake-impregnation, fake-baby-hiding antics. But, see, the thing is, we've hardly seen Tom lately. He's between projects, has nothing to promote, M: I III won't come out on DVD for a couple months yet. We've seen Katie endlessly shoe shopping at Barney's, but Tom has been . . . where? Holed up with the Filipino pool boy? Caring for his totally real and doted on daughter (um, sure)? Maybe we're looking too far into this, as the decision did come from eighty-three-year-old studio head Sumner Redstone; he's probably still working his head around those dag-gummit flying machines that can get him to New York in five hours. The Wall Street Journal (our everyday go-to pub for celeb gossip) has the scoop:
Paramount now believes that Mr. Cruise's behavior hurt the box office of his most recent film, "Mission: Impossible III." Now, Mr. Redstone said he wants to sever the studio's connection to its biggest star.
"As much as we like him personally, we thought it was wrong to renew his deal," Mr. Redstone said in an interview with the Wall Street Journal. "His recent conduct has not been acceptable to Paramount."
What Sumner didn't tell us, of course, was that Tom Cruise's behavior is only the cover-up story. The real reason he needed to exorcise Tommy from the Paramount lot was their upcoming project The Great Hubbard Hoax, detailing L. Ron's devious plan to dupe Hollywood's elite into believing nonsense–aliens! thetans! Xenu!–and watch from his special throne in heaven as the world laughs.
Check it, dog: Tom Cruise at MaleStars.com.
