Octomom: “My Babies Disgust Me”

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It's like a pink, squirming mountain.

Lots of people refer to babies as “angels” or “God’s little miracles” but let’s be honest: they’re kind of disgusting. They sit in their own biological waste, their toothless mouths straining blindly for something, anything to be crammed into them, they get repulsive ailments called “diaper rash” and “cradle cap”. Troglodytes, all of them. So I can’t blame Octomom for claiming that her test tube babies give her the willies. She tells In Touch:

“I hate the babies, they disgust me. My older six are animals, getting more and more out of control, because I have no time to properly discipline them.”

In a picture taken by the magazine, one child is seen eating drywall in her run-down home.

‘The only way I can cope is to lock myself in the bathroom and cry. Sometimes I sit there for hours and even eat my lunch sitting on the toilet floor. Anything to get peace and quiet,” she said. “Some days I have thought about killing myself. I cannot cope… Obviously I love them – but I absolutely wish I had not had them.”

I feel bad dissing Octo because she is clearly mentally screwy, but honestly, what was she thinking having fourteen kids was going to be like? “They’ll cook and clean and go off to work every day, singing catchy jingles with whistley interludes!” Just like the seven dwarves. Only without beards. And there will be twice as many of them.