Welp, the Jacko trial is well underway, and it's already shaping up to be highly amusing. In a tragic way, of course. In a statement to the jury on Monday, Santa Barbara County District Attorney Tom Sneddon claimed that children entered Neverland polite, kind, and well-mannered, but when they left, they were "ominously changed." Kind of like when the ranch's owner entered as a black man and emerged years later as a scary Caucasian eunuch with new, clitoris-sized nose.
Liz Taylor and the bloated, reanimated corpse of Marlon Brando have not yet made special guest appearances at the trial of the century, but there's plenty of entertainment value to be found here. Sneddon started off with an opening statement describing how befriending Jackson transformed children into little shitheads: "Children who walk in (to Jackson's ranch) with manners, but come out hellions, rude, obnoxious, abusive. What is it about this ranch that could do this to somebody? He ominously changed those young boys because instead of reading them Peter Pan, he's showing them sexually explicit magazines. Instead of cookies and milk, you can substitute wine, vodka and bourbon." Oh, foolish Michael. Don't you know kids hate bourbon? Much like sorority girls, wine coolers and peach schnapps are the preferred alcoholic quaffs of the middle school set.
MJ Boy-Touching Trial Update
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