Oh my god, NO! A Victoria’s Secret model is pregnant? Pregnant? Now what? Her body will be ruined and she’ll lose her lucrative career! She’ll be forced to take menial jobs with the census! Except totally not, she’ll just be in a ruby-encrusted bra making more than four times your entire mortgage within 4 days of the baby’s birth. Popeater reports:
It’s official! Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom are expecting their first child together. “Yes, I am pregnant. Four months along,” the supermodel gushes.
For years we’ve suspected that Orlando Bloom, with his curious inability to grow body hair, did not actually possess nuts, but that’s another of my theories shot to hell. Along with the notion that the use of public resources to empower downtrodden socioeconomic groups should not be regulated by the government but instead be a mutually beneficial marriage of community and state. Waaah, I’m so stupid!
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he needed a woman because all of his faggot-mates wouldn’t become pregnant.
oh great, another super model off the market. thanks orlando.
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