We were a little bummed when pert tweenbot Miley Cyrus ended her completely legitimate relationship with curiously well-groomed underwear model Justin Gaston. Who will be there to brush away Miley's tears when she cries? Who will laugh with her when she's jolly? Who will share invaluable tips about deep conditioning for highlights? As it turns out, we needn't worry. Miley's found a new man. She recently Twittered:
"Talking to the one man who keeps his promise. One man who really understands 'unconditional love' – Jesus."
It's true. Jesus really is the perfect love interest for a 16-year-old girl. He loves animals and babies, he has shiny hair, he won't pressure you for a BJ under the bleachers at the JV soccer game. He will possibly sneak into your room at night to watch you masturbate. Basically he's the vampire dude from Twilight!
Say there! Speaking of the Twitter, why don't you follow us? Like the apostles followed Jesus. Only our Twitter has fewer sermons and more coke sluts.
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“Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth. I have come to bring not peace but the sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one’s enemies will be those of his household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”
I sense a phone call coming…
It’s so hard to scrole down and then have to see this mouth. She is so f*****g ugly with all her money she must can find someone to give her a mouth transplant, or better yet wear a mask. I would like to visit these cites without having to cover my eyes every time her picture comes up.