Imagine that you’re in your home, when suddenly you feel a strange presence. Like you’re being watched, maybe. You look up and there, in the window, is a sweaty tan man in a mesh shirt, his breath fogging up the glass. Terrifying? You bet! Especially if you’re Lindsay Lohan and the man in question is her crummy turd of a father, Michael Lohan. TMZ says that yesterday afternoon, Mesh Mike tried to break into the front door of her apartment. Lindsay hide in fear and…
We’re told MiLo was also staring in the back windows of her Venice apartment, trying to spot Lindsay inside, and began banging on the windows.
Since Michael Lohan is obviously having problems with the concept of parenthood, I’d like to offer a few quick dos and don’ts when it comes to being a father.
DO: hug your child, respect her, offer advice, support her emotionally, be proud of her, take her out to dinner (and pay!)
DON’T: try to break down her door, hold press conferences to talk about her problems, sell stories about her to tabloids, draw religious-themed cartoons of her while you’re in jail.
Oh, and don’t beat your ex-girlfriends. That doesn’t have anything to do with parenting, but just thought I’d throw that out while we’re talking. Also wear deodorant. And get a job. And stop wearing your cell phone on a belt clip. And maybe crawl in a hole and live out your days there.
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