Mariah Careys Her Weight in Her Cans

Everybody's ragging on Mariah lately for getting fat. Sorry, but all extra poundage she piles on goes straight to her disproportionately massive T&A, as evidenced by these pictures, and if you're complaining about that, then you are a very bad man. We love the screwy broad like Heathcliff loves a garbage can full of fish bones.

Let's put Mariah up against one of the fashionably slim luminaries of the day, shall we? If you took Mariah out on a date, you'd go to a field full of glittery butterflies and you'd dance while puppies played at your feet and a rainbow shimmered overhead, then you'd go grab a bucket of Popeye's Extra Spicy before hitting Cold Stone for a cake batter sundae, then you'd retire to her heart-shaped satin bed to make whoopee on top of a sprinkling of million dollar bills. Now say you take Nicole Kidman out on a date. You'd have to go to some raw foods restaurant where you'd pay $50 for a plate of inedible cacao and carrot coins, and then after Nicole ate three bites she's have to get it wrapped up to go. While walking back to the car, both of Nicole's femurs would snap under the weight of the doggy bag, and while waiting for the ambulance to arrive you'd try to make a makeshift splint out of a tire iron and ripped strips of her dress but she'd go cuckoo and yell that her YSL gown cost her 15 grand and she'll be sending you a bill and then she wouldn't even let you touch her butt while helping her into the ambulance. The choice is clear.

Mariah's nude review at MrSkin.com. Admit it. We got you to like her.

Tagged as: Mariah Carey, paparazzi