Lohan seems to think that AA is a thirteen step program, the thirteenth step being “guzzle champagne and try to box Jessica Biel about the ears at a magazine gala.” Wow, we can’t wait until Mel Gibson gets to that step. That last joke was Jay Leno-approved!
The following tale is as long and winding as a sleepy country road, only paved with Quik-blow and shame. Here’s a juicebox and your binky, now cuddle up and let PageSix tuck you in and tell the story:
Despite attending “several” Alcoholics Anonymous meetings this week, Lindsay Lohan drank champagne and made a big scene at the GQ Men of the Year dinner – all under the watchful eye of her hard-partying mom-ager, Dina Lohan.
When the Lohans arrived at the exclusive dinner at the Sunset Tower – joining the likes of Leonardo DiCaprio, Al Gore, Jay-Z, Jennifer Connelly and Magic Johnson – she “flipped out” upon seeing Jessica Biel, the luminous star of “The Illusionist,” there with her assistant.
Biel’s assistant used to work for Lohan and earned the “Mean Girls” star’s ire when she quit several months ago.
According to a witness, Lohan started screaming, “If she stays, I’m outta here! I can’t look at that girl! I can’t believe you would allow an assistant in here – she doesn’t belong in here!”
“It was really uncalled for,” said our spy. “Jessica and everyone else ignored her.”
Oh, but there’s more:
A Biel friend said, “Jess didn’t steal anyone’s assistant – her assistant stopped working for Lindsay a long time ago. And whatever drama happened, Jess was no part of it. She is not part of [Lohan's] crowd – she is a professional.” A rep for Biel declined comment.
Ouchie. TMZ.com says that the action didn’t stop there, however:
Lohan was shunned at the glittering affair by other celebs who are tired of her bratty antics and bad work ethic. Overhearing her tirade about Biel’s assistant, Will Ferrell turned to DiCaprio, Gore and Affleck and said, “Who cares about that freak anymore, anyway?” – setting off laughter. Later, Lohan, with a champagne glass in her hand, tried flirting with Leo, to no avail.
If only this ragtag group of blasÈ revelers could patrol Hollywood, stopping bitchery before it began. Shanna Moakler would have never gotten away with slugging Paris Hilton, and the tragic Firecrotch tirade would have been squelched before it began. Jessica Biel, Al Gore, and Will Farrell could roam Tinseltown nightly, diffusing altercations by having Gore bore the offenders to tears, then having Biel bounce them out of the vicinity on her springy, succulent buns, while Farrell shouted humiliating quips in the background.
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