Today We Cry One Single Tear for Lindsay Lohan's Sobriety

We want Lindsay Lohan to succeed, we really, truly do. We want her to realize that blonde doesn't work for her and go back to her wonderful shiny red hair and mature to take the place of Julianne Moore as the world's sexiest redhead. And while she's at it, she will regain her career by taking over for Natasha Richardson in a remake of her original remake of the original Parent Trap. Only instead of a classy British wedding-dress designer, Lindsay will be the New York mom who lives in a loft and earns her ducets as a cutting-edge photographer or something. That, or we'll be happy with her and Sam getting married and Linds lounging around the pool sipping virgin daiquiris in her caftan while Sam installs shelving in all of their closets. But for either of these futures to become reality, she will have to try really, really hardóevery damn dayóto stay off the drugs. So we hope to God that this pic is just illustrating how important it is to take your Flonase every day to prevent post-nasal drip and it is not a coke booger that we see up in that nostril. Please, Linds, stay off the junk. Because those futures we imagined for you earlier sound a lot nicer than becoming Mackenzie Phillips.