This morning we were greeted with four horrible, disgusting, stinky, stinky words. Words we never wish to hear again. Lindsay Lohan sex tape. Sure, five years ago those words would have been awesome! Hot! Sexy! Whatever. You know what we’d rather see than a current-day Lindsay Lohan sex tape? How about any soon-to-be-contestant from The Biggest Loser licking oozing, greasy pepperoni off the top on a Domino’s pizza? Yep. We’d watch that. So lucky for us, this story is pure, 100% uncut horseshit. Via our favorite shit slingers at FemaleFirst:
The ‘Mean Girls’ actress, who recently filmed a documentary about child trafficking in India, is said to be the star of a 47-second clip which could be about to appear on the internet.
A source told the Daily Mirror newspaper: “The video film is dynamite. It is pretty seedy and shows Lindsay engaged in a particular sex act which, obviously, should remain behind closed doors.
“Lindsay was desperate to start 2010 off on a good footing and this is the very last thing she needs. If and when it is released on the internet, via a spurious, unofficial website, there is absolutely nothing she or her lawyers can do about it.”
Pornographic magazine Hustler is said to be offering £100,000 for the video, which was filmed by a waiter from a chain restaurant.
First of all, this will not be sexy. This will be Lindsay giving a pimple-faced waiter from Red Lobster a knob job in the men’s crapper for a couple of rails. Also, “could be about to appear,” “if and when it is released,” “said to be offering.” Just say it. There is no tape. The object in question is a cocktail napkin with a drawing of Lindsay’s shorn snatch on it.
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Link it if it is because some iPhone groin shot of a skeezy whore knobbing a pimple faced barfmonkey for a side of fries is always good for a laugh!
I would also like to point out that I refrained from making any comments about Vaggailizing in this post… Um… Oh heck… too late!!!
I’d rather be watching FACES OF DEATH than anything alleged porn from this person. Wake me up if it’s Anne Hathaway exploring her tender lesbian fantasies with Emily Blunt. At least that’s a celebrity sex tape worth watching!
The FBI has nekkid cooter pics of Hathaway… remember when she was dating that financial guy… they raided his apartment and took some and she actually asked her brother to go get them… YIPES!
I would just love to see her grow out the big red bush.