After we all saw Mean Girls, we wanted to see a lot more of this Lindsay Lohan person. Back then, we were all, “Gosh, I’d like to see her as the fumbling but well-meaning assistant to a hard-nosed exec in a romantic comedy” or “Gee, but I’d like to see her as a spunky New Yorker trying to make it as the new wife of a farmer in a zany farce.” Never did we think, “Man, I’d like to see her getting her boob fondled by a guy singing Mary Poppins songs.” But with Inferno, that’s what we’re getting. Jezebel got a copy of the script, which includes Lindsay-as-Linda-Lovelace calling herself ugly while abusive beau Chuck Traynor fingers her, waxing poetic on “sucking a footlong cock”, and wagging her butt in a dog’s face. More excerpts here:
LINDA: “To me, there is nothing more delicious than gism. I love it! I like to smear it all over my face like Ponds Cold Cream!”
LINDA, IN THE GRAY ROOM: “I once took on a pro football team–and I don’t just mean two at a time! I mean more!”
LINDA, IN THE MAUVE ROOM: “Is there anything in this life I like more than cocksucking? Okay. Well, one thing. On OCCASION.
PUSH IN for the two beats of big build-up.
LINDA: “I love it when my man Chuck socks it to me in the ass.”
Keep in mind that Lindsay swears this movie is not pornographic and she Tweeted that it was a “beautiful script”. Reading it, we can agree. Getting socked in the ass is so beautiful that Edgar Degas should have painted it instead of ballerinas. At the church down the street, they’re having a bake sale to make money for the new ass-socking stained glass window.
Comments
Comments… read them below or add one
OMG!!! Porn movies actually have a SCRIPT???
My only serious concern is that people will think this is th3 movie version of Dante’s INFERNO (or the better one by Larry Niven) and actually go see it!!!
Gism? I always thought it was ‘jizm’.
It’s “jism.” (Not a good sign for the script.)
Nobody is going to finance this; if someone does, nobody is going to watch it–unless it’s X-rated, in which case it’s going to make money. Lindsay, howevs, is going to complete her swirl down the drain.
There’s still a good shot this “film” never gets finished or released.