To all you guys who saw Bend it Like Beckham and Pirates of the Caribbean and Pride and Prejudice (your girlfriend made you go, we're sure): If it weren't for you Keira Knightley would be a couple shots of Jameson away from going home with the first willing man to shag his brains out and leave without even exchanging names. Thanks a lot, guys.
If Keira Knightley weren't famous, she'd be a total slut. A drunken slut even. And she'd talk about it all the time and her parents would be totally cool with it and, like, cheer her on or give her advice on which hot guys to bang. We already knew that Keira was cooler than those prudes Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Alba because they're all clothed and chaste and whatnot while Keira says, "Fuck it, I've got two aspirins on an ironing board and I'm gonna show 'em to the world." That makes any girl cool. But you know what makes a girl even cooler? Sleeping around. That's right, girls, all you've got to do to make boys like you is to have lots and lots of sex. All the popular girls do. And Keira's dad knows that better than anyone. Keira told Eclipse magazine:
My father says: "I wish this had happened in five years' time, you could have been 20 and got really pissed and slept with loads of people and no one would have known." That would have been great.
Our estimation of Hollywood fame has just plummeted. We thought half the point of being famous was so that you could screw every other famous person you came into contact with. But according to Keira us normal folk have more freedom of fucking than she does. The only problem is actually finding someone willing to fuck us. Keira's definitely got the edge on us there.
Remember those aspirins we talked about? You can see them at MrSkin.com.
