We took a snow day yesterday, so today’s when we bring you stale news and pretend it’s of the moment. Play along like nothing’s amiss, won’t you? First up, John Mayer and his guitar face gave an interview to Playboy that some might call “provocative” but most would call “odious”. Especially when it comes to the topic of race relations:
MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’”
PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.
MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.
PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?
MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.
Well. He’s a regular Marcus Garvey. This prompted homie (I can say that; he’s down with the black struggle) to backpedal furiously, and he’s been issuing apologies via Twitter and in concert ever since. But he’s not apologizing for giving Jessica Simpson an A+ in the bedroom:
That girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy… It was like sexual napalm. Did you ever say, ‘I want to quit my life and just fuckin’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.’”
To sum up, John Mayer’s penis is David Duke and Jessica Simpson’s vagina is jellied gasoline. And your body is a wonderland. This dude is like the king of awkward metaphors.
Comments
Comment… read it below or add one
I’m sorry, but is he supposed to matter?