We have absolutely shocking news for you this morning: Joe Simpson is a skeezy lying old windbag. Whatís that? You already knew that? Damn, what do we have to do around here to impress you, prove that Papa Joe lost both of his testicles in a misguided stunt orchestrated by a pre-adolescent Johnny Knoxville and that Ashleeís biological father is actually a chimp named Goober? Would that make you happy?
Remember last week when we told you about Jessica and Ashlee Simpson being denied entrance to Lindsay Lohanís MTV Movie Awards after party? Well, apparently Joe Simpson is the whole reason anyone knows about that. Radar online claims that Papa Joe got chatty with all the major celeb weeklies. According to Radar, ìSimpson, a former Baptist minister, requested that the pubs under no circumstances reveal him as a source and, in at least one case, insisted that they write that the scoop came from an associate of Lohanís.î An editor at one of the tabs told them, ìJoe called our head offices himself and ranted and raved about it. It was obvious he wanted to paint Lindsay as a bitch. He couldnít believe anyone would dare ban Jessica from any party because, as he said, ëSheís a huge superstar.í . . . Joe will do anything to make sure sheís in the papers every week and he knows Lindsayís an easy target.î Next up on Joeís Lohan-tainting publicity tour: an illicit affair with Lindsayís mom Dina that will result in a ìstolenî sex tape that will be ìanonymouslyî sold on the internet, followed by Simpson breaking into the prison where Lindsayís father Michael is being held in order to sodomize and then pee on him in front of the other inmates. Thatíll teach Lindsay to exclude Jessica from her coke snorting and diet pill inhaling parties.
See pics of Jessica Simpson partially clothed at MrSkin.com.
And Lohan, too. Don't forget the Lohan.
