If there's one thing America likes more than blondes with huge snoobs, it's blondes with huge snoobs who like to talk about 'em all the time. Jessica Simpson: our national treasure.
Some girls like to jazz up their outfits with the clever addition of shoulder pads or fingerless lace gloves; others enjoy donning a neckful of bling or a nice Iola Boyland-style bow in they hairs. Jessica Simpleton, however, considers her circus-tent-sized breasts the best accessories to any kicky outfit. And she pities the fool who thinks they're man-made. "Mine are definitely real," she told Sky News. "At school my boobs were bigger than all my friends' and I was afraid to show them. Now, I feel they make my outfits look better. Theyíre like an accessory." Never one to miss an opportunity to salivate over discuss his eldest daughter's cup size, Creepy Papa Joe Simpson butted in: "When we were in church work, [my daughters] wore bikinis and short shorts. People in the church got mad at me then but we believe that whatís in the heart is more important than whatís on the outside." We agree wholeheartedly, I mean, like, attending a church service in a thong bikini just means that Christ has easier and more convenient access to your soul. And your vagina!
Jessica's Nude Review . . . at MrSkin.com.
Jessica Simpson Likens Boobs to a Nice Pair of Legwarmers
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