We at CelebNewsWire have been wanting to get into the mind-blowing business for quite a while now (cause, really, our normal blowing business is making our mouth really tired), so we might as well start with this: Jessica Simpson is having pre-marital sex! Loudly! Under the eyes and ears of God! Consider your mind blown. As for your other parts, you'll have to wait for your normal Thursday-afternoon appointment.
Our gossip madam, FemaleFirst, reports:
Jessica Simpson stunned guests at a Rome hotel by romping noisily with her lover John Mayer, it has been claimed.The 'Employee of the Month' actress was seen having dinner with the American musician in the romantic Italian city before heading back to the exclusive luxury Hotel de Russie.
When they got back to their room the couple's energetic bedroom antics could reportedly be heard through the walls.
A source revealed to More magazine: "Jessica and John got back fairly early and stayed in all night. But by the sounds of it, they didn't get to sleep for a long time.
"This woman was saying she couldn't believe Jessica sounded like she was getting it on so loudly in the room next door."
Since we have no faith that Jessica has any actual prowess in the sack (we're thinking she's akin to a slightly more firm body pillow), we're assuming Jess's loud loin lubing is a manifestation of her hidden obsession with Angelina Jolie. Sure, Simpson can't quite muster up any follow-through when she blathers on about Ang doing such great things for the world with her charity work and serial adoptions (giving orphans a crappy minivan and some fancy toothpaste doesn't exactly make one a martyr), but Jess can at least attempt an homage to Angelina's lion-waking jungle sex of yore. But while Angelina and Brad's sound-barrier-breaking copulation created the world's sexiest baby, Jess and John just ruined an old lady's Roman vacation. Better luck next time.
Make up your own soundtrack to Jessica's sexy pics at MrSkin.com.
