Late yesterday afternoon we felt that all our prayers had been answered. We had visions of Jessica Simpson getting talked into covering herself in honey and paying a visit to the nearest zoo's bear habitat and then getting the excess honey licked off by Johnny Knoxville in appreciation–all in front of a camera, of course. But, alas, those blissful scenes still only exist in our imagination. Simpson has not filed for divorce from Nick Lachey. And the people at E! Online are a bunch of damn dirty liars.
A statement appeared briefly on Eonline.com yesterday afternoon claiming that Simpson had filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences (and, of course, at the time we read that phrase as "Johnny Knoxville's big, fat Dick of Hazzard"). But the article was soon removed and replaced with a retraction, and an official denial from Simpson appeared on usmagazine.com, stating that "It is completely false and we would sue them if they hadn't taken it down." The Simpson/Lachey marriage dune buggy will keep on rollin' till at least early June when the remaining seasons of Newlyweds are released on DVD. After a few weeks of we're-so-in-love promotion, Jessica will have plenty of time to announce her new three-way relationship with Johnny Knoxville and Seann William Scott before The Dukes of Hazzard is released on August 5th. Joe Simpson has the whole thing timed for optimal US Weekly cover-story promotion.
Yeeeee-haw! Jess Simpson's Nude Review at MrSkin.com.
