Hugh Hefner truly is the most powerful man on the planet. One minute Jessica Alba is threatening to sue him for getting men's penises hopes up that she's naked on the pages of Playboy, and then he sends her a letter saying, "I'm sorry, gorgeous, can't we make up?" and all is forgiven. He must have a foot-long dick made out of chocolate and dipped in gold and studded with diamonds. Ew. We just talked about Hugh Hefner's dong. We feel dirty.
Hef, most likely trying to smooth over relations in the hopes that one day Alba's career will be the crapper and she'll have no choice but to come to him for help with gauzy back-lit topless pictures, sent Alba a letter apologizing for
any distress unintentionally caused by the publication of your photo. What was intended as a tribute to your tremendous popularity has been misinterpreted by some as something else for which we are truly sorry since we are among your biggest fans.
To which Alba said, "OK, I forgive you. Now let's get naked and jump in the pool! And there better be video cameras nearby!" OK, not quite. What she did say was this:
In light of Mr. Hefner's personal apology for Playboy's unauthorized use of my photo on their cover, I have decided to discontinue my claims against them. This was never about money, it was about setting the record straight about something that was done without my knowledge or consent.
So what you're saying is that if we ask real nice-like and treat you like a lady then it will be OK if we get a really high-powered telephoto lens and take pictures of you in the shower? Is that what you mean, Jessica? We'll buy you flowers and jewelry and a nice lobster dinner afterward. That's probably not what she meant. We'll just have to put into motion our "Jessica Alba movie boycott" plan so that she becomes box-office poison and has no choice but to turn to Playboy. Yes. That's the ticket.
Looking at Jessica at MrSkin.com won't affect our master plan.
