All we have to say is "Jessica Alba making out with a monkey" and you will be compelled to click on that little thing that says more and read on. Hell, we probably could have stopped at just "Jessica Alba" and you still would have read on, hoping that we were going to talk about her boobs.
The human race is incapable of resisting the wiles of Jessica Alba. We say, "She's in a movie opposite human driftwood Paul Walker? Hot dog, we're there!" And apparently the animal world is just as keen to her charms. According to Page Six:
Jessica Alba tells the London Sun that MTV producers staged her kissing a chimpanzee so they'd have a shoo-in for "Most Romantic Moment Award" at their movie honors ceremony. Alba, 24, was filming a video insert for "The Fantastic Four" when MTV producers allegedly tossed a monkey into her arms, prodding her to simulate a girl-on-ape moment.
Outwardly you may balk at the absurdity of a hot girl kissing a monkey, but inside you're thinking, "Damn! Why didn't Peter Jackson cast Jessica Alba in King Kong?" And you'll surely get a banana in your pants after hearing Jessica herself recount her simian encounter. She said:
"It was awful. The monkey's in my arms and I'm supposed to give her a peck. She opened my mouth and her tongue is scraping against my teeth. Monkey's teeth are really long, kind of like a snake. Then I had to do it again, and she grabbed both of my ears and screamed in my face and showed me all of her teeth. I thought she was going to bite my face off."
That may sound like a frightening, completely non-erotic encounter, but that's just the way monkeys conduct foreplay. First they use their tongues to scrape your teeth, assuring there are no traces of banana or mealworm on them, then they tug at your ears (a known monkey erogenous zone) and scream like bloody hell to heighten your senses. From there monkey copulation begins to resemble that of humans, with the monkey slowly removing Jessica's bikini top (Jessica's wardrobe is 98% bikini) and rubbing its furry head between her exposed breasts. And we think you can handle the rest of this fantasy on your own. We'll leave you alone with Jessica Alba and her horny lesbian monkey for the rest of the day.
Jessica Alba is at MrSkin.com. The monkey is not.
