Upon hearing that Jake Gyllenhaal asked permission before feeling up Anne Hathaway in Brokeback Mountain, some people might think, "What a polite gentleman. He didn't want to offend her by mauling her funbags without her approval." We, of course, think, "He must have been really curious to finally know what those things feel like. He was probably too shy to ask to take a gander at her vulva."
Anne said in a radio interview (via Celebitchy):
There was this scene in Brokeback Mountain where I get my kit off and Iím in the car with Jake Gyllenhaal and heís touched my shoulder and heís touched my stomach and heís touched around my back. Everywhere except for, you know, ëthe girlsí.So the director yells cut and we go behind a screen and Iím putting my clothes back on and Jake comes up to me and says: ëAnnie, the thing is, the scene, in real life I wouldÖ and the directorís not yelling cut, soÖ can I?í
I just turned to him and said: ëItís okay Jake, yes, you can touch my boobs.í
Yes, it sounds all sweet and polite, but we think that Anne simply misunderstood Jake. He wasn't saying "In real life I would grab your hooters"; he was trying to say, "In real life I would have to put a George Clooney mask on you, tape down those disgusting fat protrusions on your chest, and let you choose a toy from my dildo drawer." We can understand Annie's confusion though.
Also, Jake doesn't quite understand underdrawers. Page Six reports:
JAKE Gyllenhaal is way beyond the simple choice of boxers vs. briefs. A shopper in Bloomingdale's underwear department recently watched the "Brokeback Mountain" star with a salesman "combing through every style . . . A good 10 minutes later, Jake was still at it . . . holding up a pair of tight white briefs that he'd pulled out of the package to examine, as if he'd never seen tighty whities before in his entire life. It was hilarious. He looked very confused and had a furrowed brow . . . He was examining undies like an anthropologist in the city's most highly trafficked department store."
Maybe this is part of Jake's "I am totally straight and love ladies and their lady parts" propaganda assault. He's trying to convince us that a man who loves the poon would not even know what male underwear looks like. Straight men can't even wear a pair of Calvin Kleins without secretly wanting to sample his gender's wares. No. Real men know nothing of tighty whities, but they know heaps about lingerie. Next we'll see Jake combing the La Perla racks going on and on about cup size and lace openwork and the difference between a chemise and a babydoll. That's sure to make him look full to the brim with testosterone.
You want to witness Jake grabbing Anne's Barerack Mountains? Do so at MrSkin.com.
