Upon spying the photo to the left of these here words, you might think, "Damn, Ivanka Trump didn't pay enough for her bazoom bump-up. Those things are wonk!" But that's where you're wrong. It's not that Ivanka got a botched titty tweak; her boobs just do an excellent Paris Hilton impression.
What Ivanka seems to be experiencing here
is the opposite of a recent snap of BeyoncÈ
Perhaps Donald Trump, not satisfied with the technological advances in the silicone and saline fields, has taken to luring unsuspecting celebrities to his Mar-A-Lago estate, plying them with his in-development Trump Brand Tequila (available at a store near you in August), and surgically sucking fat out of their chestal assets to improve his daughter's bustline. BeyoncÈ's right rib cushion was sacrificed to enhance Ivanka's, but she still has the left one to worry about. Then, of course, Donald's second daughter, Tiffany, is a ripe thirteen and will soon be needing some funbag filler of her own. Who will The Donald lure next? Scarlett Johansson? Salma Hayek? When will the melon-melting madness end?
Need more of Ivanka's uneven pair? Egotastic's got your fix.
