Heidi Montag is a fucking jive turkey. One time we tried to perform an exercise in positivity and made a list of her positive attributes and could only think of “isn’t Chris Brown” and then filled the rest of the column with doodles of hearts and Justin Bieber’s name. Heidi went on GMA to hawk her shitty album/discuss her recent plastic surgery marathon. Here’s an excerpt of her staggering logic:
Heidi: (when asked about being addicted to cosmetic procedures) “I’m not addicted. If I were addicted, I would have had ten plastic surgeries.”
GMA: “You did have ten plastic surgeries.”
Heidi: “Well, I mean ten times.”
We watched the accompanying video and didn’t see her creepy wax face blink once. Her surgeons must have given her a lightning-fast nictitating membrane along with those assplants.
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Good things about Heidi contd.
#2. She can always divorce Spencer if she wants to loose 150 retarded and whiny lbs.
#3. Boobie pics exist (ALLEGEDLY)
#4. If she starts singing in public again there is a court order on file to put her out of her misery BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!!!
#5 She keeps the IQ average for blondes in California on a NICE curve… She has nailed down the low end!
#6 She isn’t starring in a twilight (BARF) franchise
#7 She makes frequent Freudian slips…
#8 She isn’t pregnant so the world does not have to live in fear of Spencers genes being passed on
#9 She is in NO WAY involved in the Conan OBrien scandal
and
#10 She has almost singlehandedly put the term REALITY TV STAR in the toilet where it belongs!
“im in a different industry.” what a fucking moron.