If you’ve noticed that for the last five months, the air has smelled a little sweeter and the moon has shone a little brighter, that’s because of us. We haven’t written about Heidi Montag since nigh on August. And in those five months, Mrs. Pratt has been rather busy. Busy getting her chin hewn from her face. Someone who maybe slightly resembles the reality cretin is on the cover of People, and the accompanying article claims:
At just 23 years old, The Hills star Heidi Montag decided to go under the knife for a second time and have a staggering 10 plastic-surgery procedures in one day.
“For the past three years, I’ve thought about what to have done,” the reality star tells PEOPLE. “I’m beyond obsessed.”
And so, on Nov. 20, Montag’s total transformation began. Keeping even her family in the dark, the starlet chronicled every painful moment of recovery and her journey to become “the best me.”
To us, the “best Heidi” would be sequestered in a secret bunker secreted deep within the earth’s core, but there is probably another reason for Montag to come out of the woodwork to talk garbage: she has a new pop album coming out. So says Us Weekly:
On Tuesday, after three years of waiting, she officially dropped her debut album, Superficial — and she gets racy. Verrry racy.
Take the track “I’ll Do It,” for instance.
“I brought some treats / I know that you gon love em,” she sings. “Come eat my panties off of me / Do whatever you feel comes naturally.”
Because when it comes to sex, what comes naturally is masticating and digesting Hanes Her Ways. People have been doing it since the Cro-Magnon days.
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Almost makes a guy wish she dies on the table or at least gets one of those plastic surgery nightmares that’ll scar her physcially and mentally enough to retire as a hermit and leave mankind the Fuck alone. The woman needs to be removed from the species.
Well she does want to be Michael Jacksons twin!!! But she will still have 230lbs of untalented AssJerk attached to her butt by the lips Ie:Spencer…
I thought they were a double talentless act.
Oh, and I also blocked this chick from my Twitter too. I do not want to deal with crazy vain bitches…at least those who don’t bother to do proper nude pictorials.