When a movie calls for nudity, we're pretty sure this is how the casting goes: Directoró"Hey, hot chick, take your shirt off and show me your tits. I need to make sure they're not gross or anything. And while you're at it, take off the rest of your clothes and drop to your knees. I've got a special audition for you." But when the movie in question includes a Gwyneth Paltrow nude scene, it's Gwynnie requesting the director give her goobers the once over to make sure they don't resemble something from National Geographic. Paltrow's most recent nude scene (and her only one since giving birth to Apple and Moses) occurred in Two Lovers. You might remember it as Joaquin Phoenix's last film before he left acting to embark on a highly successful rap career. Or you might remember it as that movie you never saw, except for the caps online of Gwyneth's left lobber. That's probably more like it. James Gray, the film's director, said Paltrow was a little nervous about her sunken suckling sacks, explaining:
Gwyneth told me, ëI donít care about nudity, Iíll give you everything you need. But Iíve had two children and I just donít think they look very good any more. Do me a favor, come into my trailer and Iíll show them to you and if you think they look OK, Iíll do it.í So I marched in there and I told her they looked great.
We assume that the only dude (other than Moses) getting an eyeful of Gwyneth's maracas after a couple of babies sucked them dry was her husband, Chris Martin. And while he does seem like a right asshole, we just can't imagine him saying, "God woman, put a bra on before one of those things flops me in the face." But mostly because we have a hard time thinking in a British accent. The sentiment, though, sure. How else to explain Gwyn's paranoia about having ugly orbs?
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Is that all it takes to see a naked actresses' boobs? I guess I should become a film director then. I gotta direct Scarlett Johansson's next movie.