When a Thong Isn't a Thong

Here is morbidly obese sow Gisele "Tank" Bundchen in a bikini, again. You know, it's rather remarkable that this little chippie can perform a series of tasks–wedgie-harvesting, water-in-ear-head-smacking, fry-gobbling, comical-towel-on-head-as-makeshift-hat-wearing–that would make any other human being look about as appealing as a bediapered Mickey Rourke on a Pogo Ball, and yet, she still looks eminently screwable. Alluring, really. Rapturously so. She could twirl her finger around in her belly button and then sniff it while letting a little string of vomit dangle from her lower lip, and we'd still be like, "Look at that delicate beauty, bewitching us with her beguiling mannerisms."