We know that God must get pretty bored sometimes. There's not even any color in heaven, and all that white day after day must get pretty mundane and make anyone itch for a little excitement. But, I mean, he's God. He could choose to make himself heard to anyone. He could tell one of those loner teens that taking a gun to school isn't a very good idea. He could make Tom Cruise admit to his sham relationship and his love of wiener. But no. He decides to encourage Fergie to bless us with "Don't Phunk with My Heart". Thanks a lot, God.
We don't read Blender magazine because we're not a tool, but lucky for us MSNBC gossipista Jeannette Walls does. Or else we would never have known that God is a huge Black Eyed Peas fan (We also never would have deduced that twelve-foot-tall Mansquitoes are going to invade Earth at the exact moment that a flaming meteorite sets the whole planet ablaze; clearly the two go hand in hand). Ms. Pee-pee Pants expounded:
ìI, uh, I had a conversation with God, basically. I don't know how to interpret this, but he said, ëI've given you this beautiful gift and you're throwing it away.íî
So God's sitting up there on his fluffy white cloud, feeling a little bored and wanting to shake things up, so he gets Fergie's attention. He doesn't talk to her about the braids, or the monkey, or even the usefulness of a good pair of Depends. No. God convinces Fergie that she needs to tell the world about her humps, her humps, her humps, her lovely lady lumps. Fess up, God. You're totally punking us, aren't you?
More of your favorite Black Eyed Pee at MrSkin.com.
