Ring the alarm! Sound the gong! Eva Longoria and her frog baller lover Tony Parker are over! Guess that "T.P." mons pubis tattoo doesn't seem like such a stellar idea today, eh, Eva?
Yesterday, Page Six reported that the couple was going through a proverbial rough patch (and we ain't just talking about Eva's Brazilian wax ingrowns, har de har), and quoted a source as placing the blame on Parker slutting it up with a mystery blonde:
"'Eva was devastated when she found out. The blonde was an ex-girlfriend of Tony, and they apparently swapped numbers, but he swears nothing else happened. Eva and Tony are talking right now, trying to work things out.' Longoria told us through her rep, 'My loyalty remains with Tony.'"
Today, the plot thickens, with People magazine quoting yet another source, who says rough patch be damned, the two are completley kaput, but with no mention of blondes:
"They did break up. It's amicable. They are talking and trying to figure the best course of action for their future. They are trying to work things out. It's because of the distance, their demanding careers and not living in the same city. It's been going on for a while."
Listen, we don't really care how or why the two reached the sad and lonely end of their courtship. Receiving this news was like a thousand butterfly kisses from newborn angels that smell softly of creamsicles. No longer will you see nonstop references to free vibrators, carelessly tossed-aside underdrawers, or reaching a sexual climax via the forcible pruning of your crotch forest. We are free! Free from the shackles of Longoria that bind us to the computer, forcing us to come up with new euphemisms for pubes!
Until she finds a newer, younger, greener demi-virgin. Tomorrow, probably.
Get your Eva fix at MrSkin.com.
