Eva Longoria: A Smooth Cooch and a Bump on the Head

Weíve set a good precedent when discussing Eva Longoria: talk about her hotness and her Angelina Jolie-rivaling love of sex. So weíre not about to stop now. Weíre going to tell you that Eva thinks you should wax the hell out of your snatch, then weíre going to talk about her getting hit in the head with a pole. (Which admittedly has nothing to do with sex, but it sounds pretty damn dirty.)

While we personally donít really get the whole Eva Longoria thing (she kind of looks like she should be playing Monique Noelle Brock Hampton #7 on One Life to Live), we understand that most men have a huge collective boner over her. And weíre guessing it has something to do with her proclivity for vibrators and the fact that she talks about them, like, twenty-two hours a day. We gotta admit, thatís hot. But talking about how a Brazilian wax means youíre open for business, thatís even hotter. Talking about her first waxing experience, Eva said, "I never waxed or really paid attention to that area. It opened the door to a whole new sexual side of me. Getting in touch with your inner sex goddess would begin with the Brazilian wax. I felt like Angelina Jolie after the Brazilian wax." (We think thereís some sort of new law stating that if you talk about sex or hotness in any form and donít mention Angelina Jolie, youíre fined $500.) So listen up, Demi Moore. If you want little Ashton to stick around and not run off with one of Hugh Hefnerís girlfriends, you best be waxing that shit.
And as mentioned earlier, Eva got hit in the head with a pole. A big, fat falling pole. But, alas, it was just part of the Desperate Housewives set. She was rushed to the hospital but was not seriously injured. And because Evaís ever-so-wise publicist knows that everyone reading about Evaís injury will already be thinking about at least eight various things that could send them straight to hell, she issued a statement saying that Evaís ìgot a hard head.î To which every male instantly replied, ìIíve got a hard head Iíd like to give her.î Ah, men. So predictable.

You already know you're going to go look at some pics of Eva, so just do it already. At MrSkin.com.

And so we don't get fined $500, we'll throw in some Angelina too.

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Tagged as: Eva Longoria, television