E! Gives Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie One Last Shot at Legitimate Fame

Has the current television season left you feeling empty and unfulfilled? Your panties aren't in a bunch over whether Kate will hook up with Sawyer or Jack? Not losing sleep about what Chrismukkah festivities will occupy the Cohens this winter? What, in the name of Xenu, could fill this entertainment void? Nothing less than Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie trying to get their chimneys swept by other women's husbands, of course. Thanks, E!, for making our dreams come true.

Fox's cancellation of The Simple Life before production of its fourth season began had us throwing up our hands and weeping to the sky, "Why, God? Why take Paris and Nicole from us when they have so much left to give? Who will ever teach us how to maintain a fake friendship with someone you'd like to disembowel if not them?" Apparently that God took mercy on us and our need for sham relationships after our mentors in fake marriage, Nick and Jessica, abandoned us. E!, the network responsible for bringing us such innovative programming as Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive and It's Good To Be Kelly Ripa, have saved The Simple Life from premature death. The premise will remain as planned, and Nicole and Paris will not have to ever appear on screen together. We think E! has made a huge mistake on this last point, as Nic and Par-par sharing scenes while trying to restrain themselves from ripping out every hair on the other's head would be entertainment gold. We would tune in every week just to see who would snap first. Would Nicole lose it and grab a stapler off a nearby desk and begin stapling Paris's overworked and stretched-out labia to her thighs? Or would Paris go ape shit and start screaming, "Eat something, you skinny bitch! There's only room for one size zero around here!" before grabbing a box of Bavarian CrËmes from craft services and cramming them one after another down Nicole's throat? We think we'll get together our pitch for season five and head over to the E! offices right now.

Is Paris at MrSkin.com? You bet.

And what about Nicole? Yep.

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Tagged as: Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, television