OK, that's it. We've had it. Don't you think the bust-up of the Pitt power couple was enough for one year? Our fragile psyches really can't take anymore breakups of the rich and beautiful, yet now we're told the preggers Denise Richards is divorcing Charlie Sheen? I mean, what the fuck? You can't do this to us, Denise Richards. We refuse to accept this. You just march yourself right on over to your lawyer's office and you just rip those divorce papers right up. Go on now. Chop chop.
It's a very Parker-Crudupian breakup, what with Denise being 6 months pregnant and all, but is there a Claire Danes figure in the picture? Richards gives no hint of that, opting to site the ever-popular "irreconcilable differences" as the reason for the divorce, but c'mon, this is Charlie Sheen we're talkin' about! You can take the boy out of the Heidi Fleiss-run bordello, but you can't take the bordello out of the boy.
Richards is seeking full custody of their one-year-old daughter, Sam, and the as-yet-to-be-born baby, but wants Sheen to have visitation rights. In the legal papers, which were filed on Tuesday, she's also asking for "miscellaneous jewelry and other personal effects," and also "earnings and accumulations of Petitioner from and after the date of separation." Two and a half years of marriage and all that's left are a few gaudy baubles and geegaws, some spending money, and a couple of innocent, wide-eyed babes, soon to have their beloved parents ripped apart. There is no God. We're going to go drown our sorrows in bourbon and Jesus juice at Neverland ranch now. See ya.
