David Letterman is so sexually irresistible with his M-shaped hairline and his doddering, Andy Rooney-style grouchiness that it’s no wonder his lady staffers are tripping over themselves to toggle his nuts. But Dave is learning an important lesson: having extramarital sex with people who work for you can wind up in a big mess of intrigue, betrayal, extortion, and sting operations. Last night Dave spilled his guts on Late Night, according to Variety:
On the show, Letterman sat down behind his desk and [said he had] received a package three weeks ago from someone who claimed to have information about alleged sexual relations he has had with female employees of the “Late Show.”
“I get to looking through it and there’s a letter in the package and it says, ‘I know that you do some terrible, terrible things. And I can prove that you do these terrible things.’ Sure enough, contained in the package was stuff to prove that I do terrible things,” Letterman said.
The host said the alleged extortion suspect claimed he planned to write both a movie screenplay and a book based on what he knew — that Letterman had engaged in sex with staffers.
Letterman said the individual threatened to go public with the allegations unless Letterman paid the person $2 million.
The host, under advisement of his attorney, met with the man on three different occasions. According to Letterman, the suspect even made it clear he knew what he was doing was illegal.
Letterman told his audience that he then contacted the Manhattan District Attorney’s Special Prosecution Bureau. The meeting with the D.A. led to a sting operation, in which Letterman met with the individual and handed the person a fake $2 million check. That person was arrested on Thursday.
Being David Letterman is a lot more exciting than we previously imagined. Undercover stakeouts, blackmail, and anonymous packages are certainly more intriguing than what we pictured: back issues of This Old House magazine and Cream of Wheat suppers. This dude is one step away from a tussle with a one-eyed Russian on the wing of a plane.
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