When we woke up this morning, rubbed the crust from our eyes, fired up the computing machine, and saw the headline "Farrell Treated for Exhaustion and Medication Dependency", we audibly gasped. "No!" we wailed, tearing at our hair, "Not cuddly funnyman Will Ferrell, American family man and star of such modern comedy classics as Elf and Anchorman!" Then we saw that it was an "a", not an "e", that it was actually Colin Farrell being treated for being a druggie, and we went, "eh," and made a Pop Tart and some Quik.
Various respectable news outlets are reporting that walking genital chancre Colin Farrell checked himself into a treatment facility to deal with Hollywood's most virulent and feared malady, Exhaustion, in addition to receiving treatment for a prescription painkiller habit he picked up after injuring his back. Less respectable (read: people like us) news outlets are reporting that Farrell overdosed. French-language website Cyberpresse ran a juicy article, and Egotastic! has helpfully provided a translation from the original:
"L'acteur irlandais Colin Farrel a ÈtÈ victime d'une overdose vendredi lors du tournage en Uruguay du film tirÈ de la sÈrie tÈlÈvisÈe Miami Vice, rapporte lundi une radio locale. L'Èquipe des urgences mÈdicale, qui a examinÈ l'acteur, a retrouvÈ dans son sang des traces de cocaÔne, de majijuana et d'une autre drogue qui n'a pu Ítre identifiÈe, a indiquÈ la radio Sarandi.
Irish actor Colin Farrell was the victim of an overdose Friday, during shooting in Uruguay for the film based on TV series, Miami Vice, reported a local radio station, Monday. The emergency medical team, who examined the actor, found traces in his blood of cocaine, marijuana, and another drug which could not be identified, indicated radio Sarandi."
So. This is not really surprising. It's Colin Farrell. You know? We'd assume that his blood is made up of 85% Jameson, 7% Bolivian marching powder, 3% Oxycontin, 2% PCP, 2% Eros Male Enhancer, and 1% baby aspirin. And that it would smell like a dirty scalp. We're just pleased that this story has inspired us to finally put pen to paper and write the magnum opus we've been kicking around for several years now: Exhaustion! The Musical. We now have a male lead and a glamorous foreign setting (Uraguay!). All we have to do is secure a backer and get Lindsay's people to agree to our price and we'll be kissing this go-nowhere world of computernet scuttlebuttery goodbye and heading straight to Tony city, baby!
Want to see Colin's flesh kazoo? MaleStars.com will make that dream a reality.
