ï Michelle Rodriguez is out of jail again, and she says, “I’m moving to France… People don’t bother you there.” Which we take to mean “The pigs don’t hassle me when I kick back a carafe of red wine and then go for a spin in a Renault.” Ooh la la!
ï Thank you, Mira Sorvino, for giving your new son a normal name. Teach your Hollywood brethren, Mira Sorvino. Show them the way.
ï Robin Tunney is pretty. Robin Tunney has a nipple. Pretty Robin Tunney shows us her nipple.
ï Christina Aguilera’s husband, proboscis monkey Jordan Bratman, won’t let his wife pose topless. What a brat, man.
ï No, no, the old saying isn’t “Mom, baseball, and apple pie.” It’s “baseball, braces, and Alyssa Milano’s pokies.”
ï Mariah Carey: That tomato’s got billion dollah pegs, I tells ya.
ï Ben Affleck rushed to the hospital because of a headache. The rest of us rushed to the hospital because we just heard the name Ben Affleck.
ï Mischa Barton calls her mother “retarded.” Yeah, but who’s the one who willingly had sexual congress with Brandon Davis? Huh? Huh??? Who’s retarded now, Mischa? Who’s retarded now????
