ï Rosie O'Donnell challenges Naomi Campbell to a cage match, saying, "I think she needs a big 200 pound lesbian to kick her ass." Normally, our money would be on Rosie, but we hear Naomi has custom-made bedazzled boxing gloves in the shape of hand-held communication devices, so . . .
ï Natalie Portman: she's Harvard-educated, speaks four languages, acts, dances, saves Jason Bateman's puppy from certain death. Basically, she's like Jesus. Jesus in a thong.
ï Well, hey there, Megan Mullally of TV's Will & Grace. You go, girl, with your big ole cleavage and your flashing of an actor dressed like a cop and all that. You go, Megan Mullally of TV's Will & Grace.
ï The fat kid from Stand By Me is engaged to Pepper Dennis.
ï Oh, that Paris Hilton! What a scamp! Her thrush-encrusted acid tongue is at it again. She says that former BFF Nicole Richie "cannot stand being around me because I get all the attention and people really don't care about her", and that "she has nothing else so she really wants to do [The Simple Life] but I don't. It's really pathetic that she needs to use my name to sell something because she's obviously not enough," and that Nicole is simply jealous and fame-hungry. Special emphasis on "hungry".
ï Lindsay Lohan admits to dabbling in Kabbalah, saying, "All of us need something. You have to grab on to whatever gets you through." It's definitely pretty easy to grab a pretty red string when it's on your wrist. You know what else is easy to grab onto? Boobs. Big boobs.
ï Kate Beckinsale is said to be the forerunner in the race to be cast as Wonder Woman. Her Halloween costume really gave her a leg up on the competition. Does that mean that Lindsay Lohan will soon be cast as a firefighting junkie stripper?
ï Tom Cruise has a pacifier custom-made for Katie Holmes as an aid to shut her the hell up during delivery. And CelebNewsWire has an adult diaper made for Tom, because we hate his crazy ass.
