Derek Jeter makes 500 trillion dollars a year and now he’s going to marry Minka Kelly. And you guys don’t want Socialism? (Yeeeah!)- Jennifer Aniston nips out for Elle. Fashionably sharp, old girl. (CityRag)
- Even Anderson Cooper can’t hide the vitriol when it comes to indulging Heidi Montag‘s poppycockery. (Gone Hollywood)
- Gerard Butler slapped a dog. And he liked it. The taste of its treat-tinged dog spit. (The Blemish)
- Kirsten Dunst has been sinking her fangs into several 12-packs of Stroh’s. (Fatback)
- Constipated and sober? Kill two birds with one stone with a beer bong in your butt! Dunst, take notes. (College Candy)
- Miranda Kerr goes blonde; gets paid to hold a bottle and stand around. (CelebSlam)
- Megan Fox as Catwoman? Naw, it’s just a rumor. Still, feel free to make that inevitable “pussy” joke here, if you are so inclined. (Anything Hollywood)
- Britney Spears and Russell Brand VMA Awards promo video. (Amy Grindhouse)
- It sounds as if Avril Lavigne will soon be divorcing her troll-like Canadian husband, and he’ll be free to live under bridges and torment the Billy Goats Gruff once again. (Celebrity Mound)
- Something for the ladies: Robert Pattinson shower curtain. Because there’s nothing like the glower of a handsome vampire bearing down on you when you’re washing your ass crack. (Allie Is Wired)
CNW Junk Drawer: Minka Jeter. Minka Jeter. Minka Jeter.
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God bless Anderson Cooper. The man calls the kettle black, iron and heavy. Not what Heidi Montag is, but she’s not pretty, talented or entertaining either.
As for the rest, I don’t actually care. (Course, Megan Fox as Catwoman would be a bad idea. Poison Ivy, maybe, but that would mean she would have to become a redhead and I don’t think she’d look great as a redhead. I could be wrong, though.)
Megan Fox could only wish to have the kind of rack Aniston does. Or that playful sexiness Fox tries to emulate but ends up looking slutty.